Journal Entry #1: Living in the land of "I Don't Know"

Years ago, when I worked at a previous job, I remember hearing an interesting reason a former co-worker had got fired. She had been working in the same department as myself, but had switched to a different department at a different location. It was said that she had been giving our customers many answers to their questions that were straight up wrong. She wasn't seeking out personnel that knew the correct answers nor letting the customers know that she simply did not know.

It's interesting, because I had never known a person to get fired for something like that. But I see how that action could lead to someone getting terminated. Giving customers the wrong answers could cause angry emotions, frustration, and wasted time. Yeah, I see that.

I bring this memory up because I've recently come to the realization that I've been a "know it all" for the majority of my life.

Very smart. Very witty. Yet this attitude almost destroyed me and I learned the hard, hard way that "there is a way that seems RIGHT to a man, but in the end leads to death" (Proverbs 14:12)

I've chosen to give up having that "know it all" attitude. It's taken letting go of pride and repetitively asking God to work in me a spirit of humility. I'm not perfect, but definitely, surrendered.

At the beginning of last year, I started off with a heart of surrender. And God has been healing me in ways I couldn't imagine! He has been doing a great work in me. All this without going to therapy. Not saying that I have anything against therapy or going to a counselor but the way things have been orchestrated...I can see that it is God been the healing my way and not me just seeking it out if you know what I mean.

With this surrender, my faith in God has been increasing. I have come to trust Him more. And He is leading me and taking me closer to my dreams and things He has shown/ revealed to me about my destiny long ago.

Over the past year, I have surely felt like a little girl. I have been walking in child-like faith and feeling adventurous as never before. We tend to get to know different characters and aspects of God in different seasons of our lives. In one season, you may see Him as Jehovah Jireh (provider). In another, you may see Him as Prince of Peace. In this season of my life, I am seeing God as my Father. How sweet is that coming from a woman in her 30's who did not grow up with her biological father nor has a very close relationship with him?

I feel like a little girl holding her daddy's hand. God is leading me as His daughter through places and doors of opportunities and many times I don't know exactly where I'm going. Sometimes, if I do know the destination I don't know how He's taking me there. I can't pretend that I know the answers, so if you ask me "how" or "where", you just may hear me say "I don't know." I may not understand or know what, when, where, why, or how but I do know the One who holds my hand. He's faithful. He's trustworthy. He's All Knowing.

So, I am striving to follow the words of Proverbs 3:5-6:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

You know, sometimes God does us like we do our children.

Us: God, where are we going?

God: Don't worry about it and just ride.

He desires for us to trust Him. He desires for us to walk by faith and not by sight. He wants us not be self-reliant by depending on our own understanding. He wants us to become like children and simply trust Him because He is a good Father. So, if you find yourself walking with the Lord and living in this place called "I Don't Know", it is okay. In fact, it is perfect. As long as you know and have a relationship with the One who knows everything, you are exactly where you need to be.